In my business I meet with working mothers weekly; working both inside and outside the home. Most of these women are questioning their life purpose, satisfaction and enjoyment, and the unfortunate reality is that almost everyone believes the other side of the “work” fence is better.
In 2017, after 20 years in a corporate, I asked myself – was this what success looked like? Was this the life I wanted? I realised that things were out of control. In terms of the traditional measures of success as defined by society, which focus on money and status – I think I was about there. But I was not living a successful life by any sane definition of success. Something had to radically change as I could not continue. I was not eating or sleeping properly and some days I did not even take a bathroom break until I got home late in the evenings. This was a classic wake-up call and looking back, there were other times where I should have woken up but didn’t.
It’s essential to recognise the red flags. While stress is a part of our daily lives, chronic stress causes chaos in our minds, bodies and our perception of being smart and competent women. Chronic stress can lead to burnout – both in the workplace and in our homes. But still we march on, trying to be in many places at once. Hitting aggressive deadlines and more aggressive goals, pleasing a manager, managing a team and trying to advance our careers while pretending our minds aren’t distracted by concerns for our kids. Trying to schedule time for a simple game, watching sporting events, get laundry, food shopping and cleaning done and put down a home cooked meal, completely ignoring our own personal and health needs.
I was there once and I can see it is so many working mothers today, I sometimes wish I can tell them to slow down and change their view of success and happiness. So here we go, I hope to reach some of you:
Metrics for life
I am not the first, nor the only woman who has suffered from burnout. One of the successful women I admire, Arianna Huffington, is the chair, president, and editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, a nationally syndicated columnist, and author of 14 books. One morning in April, 2007, she was lying on the floor of her home office in a pool of blood, where she hit her head when she collapsed from sheer exhaustion and lack of sleep. It is often in moments like these that you stop and get a chance to consider “what is the good life”.
In order to live the life, we want and deserve, and not just settle for, we need some guidelines. I liked the metrics that Arianna outlines as it goes beyond the metrics of money and power:
- Wisdom
- Wonder (Creativity and Hobbies)
- Giving back (Purpose) and
- Well-being (Eating well, Sleep enough, Exercise and Practice Mindfulness)
A growing data of body shows that the price of the current false promise of success is already higher for women than for men. Women in stressful jobs have nearly a 40% increased risk of heart disease and a 60% greater risk of diabetes. In the past 30 years, women made substantial strides in the workplace, however self-reported stress have gone up by 18%. The workplace culture is fuelled by stress, sleep deprivation, and burnout. I had come face to face with the problem when I collapsed the day before my daughter’s birthday in 2017.
The great thing is moms don’t have to accept these feelings as their normal. There are some easy-to-implement changes that can be done to cope with stress. Surround yourself with the right people and start to talk to them, listen for the warning signs.
If you have a big desire for something you want to do in life – start a business, write a novel, go back for your graduate degree, run a marathon – but it feels too big to even attempt, let’s talk about how you can achieve your purpose.
I made a choice, you can too.