I have been tiptoeing around 2021 for 20 days now, and it is time to face the year head-on & accept whatever it has in store – good or bad….
Over the December summer holidays, I was reflecting on 2020 to see what insights I have gained. As unquestionably one of the most disruptive years I have ever experienced— so many things turned upside-down and interfered with multiple plans. Oddly we typically use the metaphor of “20/20 eyesight” for seeing into the future even though we know that it is “hindsight that is 20/20,” not foresight.
“If only I had known what was going to happen in 2020!” I started 2020 with a full calendar of workshops, sessions, and holidays planned and I was just getting used to being a grade 4 and grade R mom. The thought never crossed my mind that the whole world would stop, and everything I planned cancelled or postponed, and that I would have to be a home-school teacher. “Who would have imagined it?” And because no one else anticipated it— 2020 seems like one of Nassim Taleb’s Black Swan events— an event that could have been predicted, but was not, and yet which now looks somewhat obvious in hindsight.
Looking back the events of 2020 certainly underscore afresh that we humans are intimately interconnected. Even though the planet is large and spacious, our life together is that of villagers who are equally affected by what happens. I never anticipated that a virus in a far-away city in China could, within a couple of months, spread around the whole world and bring about a shutdown of every economy in the world. I’ve seen the Zombie movies of viruses that turned the infected into mindless Zombies who turn on the uninfected, but I did not consider that this virus could do what covid-19 did, minus the Zombies.
At the beginning of 2020, I could not imagine governments start classifying jobs as essential and non-essential. And yes, I can understand that health care workers have jobs that are absolutely essential. What did not make sense was that so many jobs were suddenly declared non-essential. I’m now thinking about all of the communication jobs that enable people to think better, feel better, interact better— coaches, therapists, consultants, educators, trainers, etc. In terms of surviving and coping well, these are also essential jobs. But, of course, they were many of the initial jobs to be shut-down or restricted. Whilst many had to move online quickly and adapt – online fatigue and the new home/work structure added to a lot of people’s stress and wellbeing. I attended an interesting discussion where Mark Holtshausen explained that people need oxytocin to build trust and relationships. “This can only be achieved successfully in the presence of another person – this is so much harder to do virtually and therefore we need to connect and reconnect for us to maintain and grow our relationships. Our relationship repositories can deplete over time.”
And now, many months later we are paying the price for that and will still for some time. Relationships are not at the best level, and we are wondering about the interest and presence of our online engagements (or lack thereof). Domestic violence is up, child abuse it up, so is drug and alcohol abuse, depression, suicide, etc. As holistic individuals, in addition to staying safe from infection, surviving includes mental and emotional well-being. Locking people up for months, preventing them from going to work so they have meaningful engagements can drive some people to take out their frustration and anger in unhealthy ways.
Retrospectively many insights about human nature and what happens to people under restricted conditions. Human beings thrive best when they are free. Every day when I get up, around me are all sorts of constraints— some make sense, many more do not. We operate best as self-determining and self-responsible persons. Lock-downs are like being under house arrest. It is not good for the human spirit. Not being able to freely get with family and friends also speaks about how much we are social beings and having a rich and rewarding social life is so important for our well-being. The process for designing and living your own high-quality life is an inside-out process. If I am not free on the inside, no amount of external physical freedom will help. The principle is easy to understand and hard to apply. It is so much easier to focus on the outside. After all, seems so much more available and present. The inside is more difficult to get too due to all of the ego-defenses, self-blindness, and cognitive biases. Yet if you want high-quality living, it begins with the journey inside and development inside…
Despite this being a difficult time most of us have ever faced (and still facing), there is still so much to be thankful for and I will continue to give it my best, because the fire within me burns brighter than the fire around me.
As we embark on 2021, I realised nothing lasts forever; we will always go through highs and lows. This is an inevitable fact of life that we cannot escape. Therefore, if you are experiencing a high right now in life, embrace it and learn from it, if you are experiencing a low right now, reach out – be persistent – you will get through it.
Here is to all of us, developing and using your 2020 hindsight’s to become more insightful, kind and healthy in 2021. I raise a glass (or rather a cup of coffee) to your resilience, and I am looking forward to connecting with you.